random stuffs

SORRY!

2010-02-23T23:00:00.002+08:00

to all our readers out there, we apologize for the SUPER long delay in between posts!

firstly, i would like to make some announcements.

the glkias are now currently studying in meridian jc, which means we will have even less time to update than before. we apologize.

we are now currently working on a (fictional and gl) story which we will post part by part over a period of time to sustain your interest, please visit often if at all!

this post was supposed to be written by emauz, but he's STILL being an ass and therefore i'm doing his dirty work for him.

alright, now that you know what we're up to, please visit for further updates! we will try to update as often as possible, but being in MuggerJC.. oops, i meant MeridianJC, we cannot promise updates as quickly as when we were in our prime. thank you!

yours GL-LY after three months of hiatus, JESSE.

Early Release!

2009-11-03T19:53:00.003+08:00

ok as the title suggests. the song mad bird by jazzen lambird the paedo has been released early in the simon says music store. get your free copy here.

original - mad world - adam lambert
edited - mad bird - jazzen lambird

all around me are their pleading faces
worn out orifices, worn out faces
spraying stuff in some sad places
they're going nowhere, going nowhere
and my stuff is filling up their 'glasses'
no expression, no expression
hide my face i wanna drown them in it
no tomorrow, no tomorrow

and i find it kind of funny
dont find it kind of sad
the dreams in which im f$#*ing are the best i ever had
i find it hard to tell you
cos you'll find it hard to take
when it sprays in circles its a very very
mad bird, mad bird

children waiting for the day they feel good
happy birthday, happy birthday
made to feel the way that every child should
so violated, so violated
went to school and they were very nervous
please sir not me, please sir not me
hello teacher you'll be next on my list
run while you can, but you cant run

and i find it kind of funny
dont find it kind of sad
the dreams in which im f$#*ing are the best i ever had
i find it hard to tell you
cos you'll find it hard to take
when it sprays in circles its a very very
mad bird, mad bird

ok i will be opening a new section to put all the song parodies in. so please come back often yeah.

yours GL-LY while blah emauz blah mug blah, JESSE.

O Level Stress Relief

2009-10-20T10:08:00.003+08:00

just now as i was doing my stupid little bio tenyear series which i am going to burn on the 13th of november, i came across this really interesting question.

it was the one about the different colored lights and the rate of photosynthesis. you know the one where its fastest in red and blue light but slowest in green. anyway so here was the question.

what can you deduce about the rate of photosynthesis in different colored lights?

this one was easy. the hard one was.

what would happen if only green light reached the earth?

due to my really stressed out brain i had to think out of many answers to this one. therefore i wrote an essay for a two mark question.

answer was as follows -

if only green light reached the earth, we would not have such things as cones and rods in our eyes as we did not have to see in color as everything would be green or black to us. if that were the case, then the bio chapter on eyes in the textbook must be rewrote. and if only green light reached the earth, the plants would adapt and turn into some different color in order to photosynthesise. however if that were the case, the plants would no longer be green to us anymore but black as the light is absorbed by the plant. therefore, in the usa, mothers would not be telling their kids 'eat your greens' but 'eat your blacks' instead. if everything were green or black, there would be no such thing as rainbows and therefore half of the children's books out there would have to be recalled and burnt because there are no such things as rainbows anymore. even if there were, they would be green in color and we could not see them because only green light reached the earth. life would be extremely boring and monotonous and a little freaky because even the water we drink would look black, the food we eat would look black, and the computer you use would have a black screen. however, this would greatly solve the problem of racism in the world as there would be no such thing as black or white people. the adverse effect of this is that the hit song 'black or white' by michael jackson would never have come about and instead be replaced by 'green and loving it' or something like that. therefore, we must thank nature that not only green light reached the earth or we would all lead such boring lives and commit suicide in the end.

that was very fun.

yours Gl-LY-WHILE-IN-EMAUZ-MUG-MODE, JAZAE.

Announcements And Statements

2009-10-15T22:09:00.002+08:00

ok i shall update.

as you can see from the title, we shall first make some announcements.

as of today, we are no longer ahs pupils.

there will be no updating until o levels is over as i am going to go into EMAUZ - MUG - MODE.

all sec4s are to go into EMAUZ - MUG - MODE too.

as for people who have no exams, GO AWAY. =D

as the GLKIAS are now in EMAUZ - MUG - MODE, please do not ask us to update or i will hit you over the top of your head with a durian.

we love jazzen. (heh)

yes, thats about it.

now for some statements.

today we had sec4 graduation ceremony. there are some things we can be happy about for it.

we have graduated from secondary school.

i will never have to hear 'tuck in your shirt' ever again.

no more homework.

no more nagging.

no more teachers. =D

YOURS GL-LY while #$*^%#$*&@^%*^$##*^@$%*@^#%$*&^#%$@*&^#%$^&%$*^@#%$*&%@^$*&%@#^$, JAZAE.

King Of The World

2009-09-27T22:26:00.004+08:00

OK FINE. i shall update since people are asking me to update. while emauz is being a dick and studying too hard and.. you get the general idea.

what should i update about? since jazzen has asked me not to update about him i have lost my favorite blog topic. ah i know. i shall insult emauz since he doesnt even bother to read here nowadays. =P

imagine if one day emauz becomes ruler of all the world. as you know, all kings have a title. like king jazzen the flirtatious. oops. somewhere around there lo. so i shall now give some insight as to what emauz's title will be.

king emauz the..

study - er of all time
mugger of the universe
knowledgeable one
exalted know - it - all
amazingly smart
extremely clever
gl - like no other
mug face
smart aleck
pain in the butt
smartest in the world
big - brained
genius of the world
one who makes einstein seem as clever as jazzen (hee hee)

maybe we should give some titles to jazzen as well.

king jazzen the..

fruit eater
flirtatious
hot
sexy
one who thinks 30 girlfriends are not enough
horny
MOLED
delicious
petter
ramboer
oh - so - mature
fruit smoothie lover
most desirable

yeah. OH I MISSED OUT ONE MORE.

king jazzen the ERECTED. =D

oh forgive me your majesties. wahahahaha.

yours GL-LY-WHILE (blahblahblahblahblah), JESSE.

Tell The Truth!

2009-09-04T20:26:00.001+08:00

today i was feeling extremely gl. so i had a GL convo with kimberly who is not telling the truth.

kim is blah     says:
blah

JESSE says:
u saying ur name?

kim is blah     says:
no i'm not ;p

kim is blah     says:
unfair guy

JESSE says:
yes you are

JESSE says:
you said 'blah'

kim is blah     says:
yeah , i'm blah :D

JESSE says:
then when i ask if you saying your name you say you're not?

JESSE says:
is your name not or blah

JESSE says:
say properly leh

kim is blah     says:
LOL

kim is blah     says:
ya hor i said not

kim is blah     says:
nope , i'm blah :D

kim is blah     says:
kimberly blah

JESSE says:
no

JESSE says:
dont come and confuse people

JESSE says:
so your name is kimberly blah or not

kim is blah     says:
kimberly blah :D

JESSE says:
so its not not lah

kim is blah     says:
yesh

JESSE says:
are you telling the truth

kim is blah     says:
yep

JESSE says:
OI

kim is blah     says:
kimberly blah :D

JESSE says:
you say your name is kimberly blah

JESSE says:
den u now go change to telling the truth

JESSE says:
wad is tis

kim is blah     says:
what are you talking

kim is blah     says:
damn

JESSE says:
are you kimberly blah?

kim is blah     says:
i am

JESSE says:
are you telling the truth?

kim is blah     says:
yes

JESSE says:
so are you kimberly blah or telling the truth

kim is blah     says:
oooh , i get it now

kim is blah     says:
i am KIMBERLY BLAH

kim is blah     says:
:D

JESSE says:
so are you telling the truth?

kim is blah     says:
damn, how to answer

JESSE says:
yes or no

kim is blah     says:
no

JESSE says:
den wad is your name

JESSE says:
liar

kim is blah     says:
shut up you

JESSE says:
ok

JESSE says:
thank you for participating in my new blogpost

JESSE says:
=)

kim is blah     says:
what the shit

kim is blah     says:
...

hee hee. today is a good day.

therefore, YOURS GL-LY-WHILE-WAITING-FOR-THAT-DICK-EMAUZ-TO-UPDATE-SINCE-PRELIMS-ARE-OVER-AND-HE-SHOULD-BE-FREE-NOW-UNLESS-HE-IS-BEING-A-NERD-AND-ALREADY-PREPARING-FOR-O-LEVELS, JESSE.

Yet Another Parody

2009-09-03T22:38:00.001+08:00

ok jazzen has bugged me to update about another song so i shall do it. time to feel stupid and lamed out once again..

i took a while to choose this song. because i just dont know what to use. so in the end its a parody.

original song - i'm yours by jason mraz
edited version - you're mine by JAZZEN mraz

Well i stuck IT in and i know that you felt IT
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that IT stood up
IT went through THE crack
And now IT'S trying to get back
Before the steam done run out
IT'll be giving you my bestest
Nothing's gonna stop IT but divine intervention
I reckon its again IT'S turn
To get in and come out

I wont hesitate no more no more
IT cannot wait, you're mine

Well open up your (jazzen's fav thing) and feel IT
Open up your (jazzen's fav thing) and youll be free
Stuffed into your *ehm* make love love love
Listen to the moaning of the moment maybe moan with me
Our love peaceful melody
It's IT'S godforsaken right to make love love love love love

So i wont hesitate no more no more
IT cannot wait, you're mine
There's no need to complicate
IT is not short
This is your fate, you're mine

I've been way too long checking my thing in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see IT clearer
IT sprayed and fogged up the glass
So i drew a new face and laughed
I guess what i'm a saying is there aint no better reason
To rid yourself of virginity and go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Being a virgin is not cool

So i wont hesitate no more no more
IT cannot wait, you're mine
There's no need to complicate
IT is not short
This is your fate, you're mine

no prizes for guessing what jazzen's favorite thing is.

even more no prizes for guessing what IT is.

who asked you to ask me to update. your fault.

therefore YOURS Gl-LY-WHILE-EMAUZ-IS-STILL-BEING-A-DICK-AND-STUDYING-TOO-HARD-FOR-PRELIMS-AND-O'S-AND-GOD-KNOWS-WHAT, JESSE.

Dreaming On

2009-08-28T22:34:00.001+08:00

i shall today attempt to do another song translation which is hopefully gna be better than the national day ones. tis is to keep MY readers amused (EAT THAT MOUZ) while they are too bored and accidentally come to this webpage where they become stupider after reading what i say all the time.

the original song is dream on by aerosmith

of course if youre bored you can go youtube DANNY GOKEY SCREECH FROM HELL. make sure you keep the volume TO THE MAX and on FULL SURROUND STEREO for maximum effects.

Everytime that I look in the mirror - I am extremely zilian
All these lines on my face gettin clearer - I am an old fag
The past is gone - I am older than you
It went by like dust to dawn - Life is short
Isnt that the way - I am acting old
Everybodys got their dues in life to pay - I am acting philosophical

I know what nobody knows - I AM CLEVERER THAN YOU
Where it comes and where it goes - I know how 'it' acts
I know its everybodys sin - You all are stupid sinners
You got to lose to know how to win - Failure is success mother

Half my life is in books written pages - I am famous
Live and learn from fools and from sages - Learn from everybody and everyone even if they are stupid
You know its true - Listen to me
All the things come back to you - I teach you KARMA

Sing with me, sing for the years - Lets have a sing along session
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears - That will make you cry because you laugh too hard at my lousy singing
Sing with me, if its just for today - Sing along with me NOW
Maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away - Or tomorrow you DIE
(x2)- Times two also dno

Dream on, dream on - Sleep longer sleep longer
Dream yourself a dream come true - Sleep longer until your dream comes true
Dream on, dream on - Sleep longer sleep longer
Dream until your dream come true - Sleep longer until your dream comes true
Dream on, dream on, dream on... - Sleep longer until your MOM WAKE YOU UP TO GO SCHOOL

haiya. ok so i updated. this whole month that idiot havent update yet. maybe if i insult him more he will start updating. or maybe i should just dream on.

yours GL-LY, JESSE.

Why Coconuts Are Unique

2009-08-24T22:14:00.000+08:00

ok as my retarded partner is gearing up for his prelims and os and refusing to post for a long period of time, i haf gained total ownership of this blog. joking.

recently i learnt that jazzen likes coconuts. his new favorite fruit. and as he has been pestering me to update i shall oblige him with a post about none other than his favorite coconuts.

some interesting facts about coconuts

young coconuts have a sweet juice and the meat is very thin, soft and delicate, leading some to call it jelly.

coconut water is a rich source of potassium and is nutritious. therefore if you electrolysed concentrated coconut water you MIGHT (very unlikely) have an explosion due to the reaction of potassium with water.

flowers of the coconut palm are POLYGAMONOECIOUS. bet i just owned you there with bio.

coconuts are deadly. the claim is often made that a person is more likely to be killed by a falling coconut than by a shark.

in Kerala in South India, coconut flowers must be present during a marriage ceremony.

jazzen must eat coconuts everyday.

and the most interesting one of all.. they are not exactly fruits.
COCONUTS ARE ALSO CLASSIFIED UNDER SEEDS.

so jazzen does not like fruits now. he likes seeds. so here is a list on what fruits he should NEVER LIKE.

papaya
watermelon
mango
durian
dragonfruit

and the most CANNOT one of all..

SEEDLESS GRAPES.

ha ha. gna get ramboed again.

yours GL-LY, cos EMAUZ IS BEING A DICK AND STUDYING TOO HARD, JESSE.

Some Interesting Google Searches

2009-08-17T08:39:00.004+08:00

while in class NOW i decided to google some rubbish. these are some really weird results i came across..

qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm - 41300 results
stupid idiot test - 700000 results
apple pie language - 772000 results
retarded animal babies - 86500 results
overgrown dog nails - 101000 results
useless knowledge - 2880000 results
troublesome priest - 326000 results
obama cookie recipe - 316000 results
duck for president - 2460000 results

and the best of all..

george bush is a monkey - 1300000 results

dont ask me how i managed to think up of these searches in the first place.

yours GL-LY, JESSE.

National Day Parade.. Disaster

2009-08-12T22:19:00.001+08:00

once upon a time, there was a boy called. erm. dowan jazzen le. scared he rambo me. ok once upon a time there was a boy called DWAIN. =)

dwain died a horrible death. why, you may ask. we all have a lesson to learn from this. this is a report on the final moments leading up to his death..

the day is aug 9th.

57mins - he tells his lover phyee that he will never see her again. leaving her in tears, he gears up for his final act.

54mins - he has to find his ak47. he realises that he has left it at his friends house and goes to retrieve it.

37mins - he finds it. he then makes his way to the marina barrage.

29mins - he forces entry and lies in wait for the ndp to start.

8mins - he gets his chance! the emcee comes out and as he says 'goodmorning singapore..' he snatches the mike away and he says 'its goodAFTERNOON you idiot!'. he then proceeds to point his ak47 at the president.

3mins - after a tense standoff, he grabs the mike again. he then makes his fatal mistake. he says...

'I THINK PEOPLE WHO WEAR RED OR WHITE SUCK!'

2mins - the people are incensed. they break down the barriers and rush towards dwain.

1min - dwain knows he's doomed. therefore, as a last resort, he decides to shoot at a few people with his ak47. to his horror, he discovers that it is a toy gun that he bought from ebay.

0min - dwain is torn to 09082008 pieces.

therefore, manymany lessons learnt.

1 - never gatecrash an national day parade and say the people suck
2 - make sure your gun is real
3 - never use ebay

now dwain's gna rambo me.

yours GL-LY, JESSE.

Math As You Grow Older

2009-08-07T22:39:00.002+08:00

K indergarten: 1 bun + 1 bun = ?

P SLE: Amy, Bob and Charlie share 28 buns altogether in the ratio of 2:1:4 respectively. How many buns did Amy receive?

'O' Level: Amy, Bob and Charlie each share a box of buns. Each box contains 5 red buns, three blueberry buns and two coconut buns. Amy picks two buns from her box at random. Find the probability that the two buns are of the same flavour.

'A' Level: Amy's kidneys clearance have a BUN value of 10mg/mmol and Bob's cholesterol have a mass of 60 mg, which is 3 times the value of Amy's kidney clearantine value. Calculate her Urea molecular weight in dl/Urea and mg/dl BUN. (Assume Amy has an age of between 15 to 20)

'B' Level: Amy, Bob and Charlie each share a box of buns. Each box contains 5 red buns, three blueberry buns and two coconut buns. Furthermore, Amy will tie her hair into a bun if Bob either took 5 red buns from the box consecutively or 1 coconut bun from the box. However, if Amy tie her hair into a bun, Charlie will HAVE to take a blueberry bun from the box. Out of the 2 coconut buns, one of them contain a preservative which allows the bread to be kept at room temperature for six days. The other breads are not preserved and therefore, spoils in just 1 day. Every 3 days a week, Bob will have to work 6 hours a day, and 3 hours after buying the bread, he will either take 2 coconut buns or 1 red bean bun. The probability that he will forget to eat the buns is 1 out of every 3 days he works. Everytime he forgets to eat the bun, his colleague will steal one of the 3 buns.
(a) What is the probability of Amy having food poisoning, after eating Bob's colleague's stolen bread?
(b) What is the probability of Amy tying her hair into a bun when Bob goes to work?

credit to lamebonder. =)

YOURS GL-LY, JESSE.

How To Ace 2.4 For Dummies

2009-08-05T19:20:00.002+08:00

ok tis is abit late. so you can try this out next year. bound to work. sure a.

here is a list of equipment you will need.

mp3 recorder / handphone / anything with earphones that can record and playback
a good friend who will do anything you say
an idol
lots of perseverance

first, get an idol. some examples include robert pattinson, emma watson, adam lambert, and me. hee. make sure you are totally in love with him. or her. or it will not work.

find a good friend. instruct this friend to keep making funny faces and saying 'you cant catch me' while being in front of you. make sure he or she actually is faster than you.

record yourself saying '(insert idol's name here) will give me water and help me beat (insert friend's name here) up too' into your whatever you're using. put it on perma-loop.

this is the hardest part. DO NOT DRINK ANYTHING FOR 24 HOURS BEFORE THE RUN.

during the run, listen to your recording, and make sure your friend does as many funny faces as he or she can.

there you are. CONFIRM A. if not a means u can go and die.

YOURS GL-LY, JESSE.

National Day Songs

2009-08-03T21:51:00.006+08:00

i shall attempt my amazing translation skills today.

Dayung sampan, dayung dayung sampan - my sampan name is dayung
Berlabuh datang Bandar China sampai Singapura - i row dayung all the bloody long way from china to singapore
Dayung sampan, dayung dayung sampan - on my beloved sampan called dayung
Dayung mendayung sampan sampai ke Singapura - but my sampan say singapura very hot
Dayung Mendayung sampai ke Singapura - so i tell it that singapura is not hot
Dayung, dayung, dayung, dayung, dayung, hoi! - dayung dayung dayung dayung dayung is my sampan

wtf i must be really bored. therefore, lets try one more.

Munneru valiba - my name is munneru valiba
Munneri endrum - endru is my surname
Thoduvan nok ku vai - thoduvan is my dad
Kan the ri ya they - cant they all see
Kar Irullil - that irullil car is the best
Oli rum vin mee nay - drink vin mee nay rum inside
Thanimaiyalay payantha nadugal - end up talking some gibberish
Irulil oli per unnai nadum - irulil car is always the best
Manil nok ku valiba - dont anyhow say valiba
En drum mun ne ri - or i drum you on the head
Thodu van nok ku vai - thoduvan is my dad

omg. what was i thinking.

ok this is. crap.

i mean no offence to national day songs people. this is all in fun.

yours GL-LY, JESSE.

Another Song Parody!

2009-07-29T22:30:00.000+08:00

recently i have been talking with jazzen and asking him some questions. therefore i shall tell u what i have learnt from him.

gender: male
sexual orientation: UNKNOWN
favorite book: harry potter
favorite character: serial rapist
favorite food: honeydew
favorite activity: stomping on flowers
hobby: finding new flowers to stomp on

therefore i have written a song in tribute for his serial rapist character and his fetish for honeydews. this is what happens what you get too bored during amath class.

Original - Feeling Good - Adam Lambert
Edited - Coming Good - JAZZEN

my bird flying high
you know how i feel
sprayed in the sky
you know how i feel
flowers stomped on by
you know how i feel
its a new dawn, its a new day
its a new world, for me
when i think of honeydew

tadpoles in your sea
you know how i feel
river running free
you know how i feel
plucked down from the tree
you know how i feel
its a new dawn, its a new day
its a new world, for me
when i think of honeydew

let it dry out in the sun
you know what i mean dont you know
my bird is out having fun
you know how i feel
steaming through
right till the day is done
in this old world, its a new world
in a whole world, for me
yeah

bird, when u shine
you know how i feel
who says it cant fly
you know how i feel
your flower is mine
you know how i feel
its a new dawn, its a new day
and you're mine, for me

for me, oh
im coming, im coming
im coming good
oh, honeydew
im coming on honeydew

gonna get rambo-ed soon, but nobody ask u to write a post on a serial rapist on your blog.

YOURS Gl-LY, JESSE

NAPFA Tests

2009-07-28T22:12:00.001+08:00

ok im bored. so lets haf a post on napfa tests cos it has come to my amazing attention that many lower sec ppl are having the dreaded THING called napfa test.

for ppl who dont alr know, napfa test is split into six portions.

situps.
after finishing with this one, you will never complain about indigestion again. it gives one terrible stomach cramps =) sounds fun. and den doing too fast u go bang your head against the mat and give u headache afterward. terrible.

personal record: 49. i got weak stomach =X

inclined pullups / pullups.
if ur immature and stupid, you do the first. joking. when u get to upper sec, guys, be happy to hit double digits. nth to say abt this one cos i see ppl failing napfa cos of this. at least you know youre not the only one. even terrible-ler den above.

personal record: 4. i was surprised too. =)

sit and reach.
reminds me of the song 'good day' by the click five with the old singer that is 389472389047283904718304 times better than the one now. although he has lousy hair. gorillas seem to do well for this, but so do those ppl with horribly long fingernails that seem to leave their mark everywhere.
(you're looking (reaching) for something you cant find..)

personal record: 48cm. BUT IM NO GORILLA.

shuttle run.
this makes you look stupid, feel stupid, and the stupidest ppl of all are the ppl who invented this one. what the hell are we gna run the same road four times for. the only person who will do well for this is usain bolt. if you dont know who this fella is, tell me which hole you live in, ill pay a visit. must be really deep.

personal record: 9.7s. i ran 40m slower den usain bolt running 100m. although he doesnt have to twist and turn like a retard.

standing broad jump.
honestly, who cares how long you jump. flap your hands like an idiot, soar with the gracefulness of a pig and land with the lightness of a ton of bricks. practically much of the way to success is determined by how long your legs are. of course there are some exceptions to this rule, but still rules are meant to be broken.

personal record: 269cm. i broke the rule =)

and the most dreaded of all, the 2.4 kilometer run.
nobody in the right mind would think its really 2.4km. of course they took the decimal point out. one third into it you already know who are the fit and the unfit, one half into the course you see people vomiting and pale as a lord voldemort, and by the end people collapse like collapsers which collapse all the time. ever wondered why the sjab get to slack and laugh at u all as u slog by? then again you see the occasional person making use of outside help such as music and drugs and encouragement from girlfriends to get through. the things people do to get their wants..

personal record: 8m17sec.

of coz u're all wondering how to do better for napfa. its easy. i give you three methods that are bound to work.

1. take drugs. just make sure no one catches you
2. be good friends with the person writing the results down on that paper. and then just talk to him.
3. bribe the teacher with anything that works.

goodluck for your napfa if it is not already over.

i hope you get the following results
situps: 3487
inclined pullups / pullups: 173
sit and reach: 14..km
shuttle run: 1.63s
standing broad jump: 988cm
2.4km run: 2m53sec

if anyone gets these results, please contact me with supporting documents and i will gladly supply you with a whole lifetime of chocolates. if you dont like chocolates, TOO BAD!

yours bored-ly and GL-LY, JESSE.

Fruit Platter-Opia

2009-07-27T21:59:00.001+08:00

ok due to excessive requests for an update on this blog, i shall kindly oblige you all.

once upon a time there was a man. his name was jazzen. he enjoyed eating many fruits, such as apples, pears and strawberries. due to this weird obsessive habit, he used to have a fruit platter for dinner every night. what a lucky man he was.

one day, he decided to go overseas in search of more exotic fruits such as the greenberry and not-so-orange oranges, which were actually blue in color. he decided to go to the long lost land of fruit platteropia. upon his arrival there, he was greeted by the chief of the island.

'welcome to fruit platteropia! here you will find many kinds of fruits, such as honeydews and the like! however, you must pass our test before being allowed to pick fruits from the Orchard of Eternal Fruit." upon listening to this, jazzen immediately asked what he had to do in order to pick fruits from the Orchard of Eternal Fruit. the chief answered him simply by pointing to a hut in which many noises seemed to be coming from.

upon entering the hut, jason was greeted by many fat women. each of them held an exotic fruit in their hands, for example the abovementioned greenberries, honeydews and weird oranges, and yet others such as durians without spikes and cherries the size of his head. jazzen could not wait to hear his task. he asked, 'what do i have to do to get these exotic fruits?'

he wished that he hadnt had asked. he was told that if he wanted to eat greenberries, he would have to #@&$*@ with the person holding them. he gulped. wondered whether he would still be alive after #@&$*@. in the end, he decided that it would be a small price to pay for such a wondrous fruit.

he started on the first woman.

he was never seen since.

in memory of jazzen, who loved fruits to the end.

P.S. this post is purely fictional and any resemblance to any living persons named jazzen or sounding like it is not intended. (yeah right)

yours GL-LY and super-lamely cause u all force me to update so i dont know what to write, JESSE.

Joke. (don't read this during meals)

2009-07-22T21:08:00.003+08:00

There was once this couple.

The wife was very angry with her husband because he had a habit of farting every morning.

The wife told her husband, "do that too often and one day you'll fart your intestines out!"

The husband laughed at her and shrugged it off.

Naturally, the wife decided to teach her husband a lesson.

So, she took a turkey's innards and placed them in her husband's pants.

Next morning....

*a disgusting noise followed by a terrified scream is heard coming from the bathroom*

Wife snickers and rushes to the bathroom.

Husband(pale faced): Oh my...It...it really happened...

Wife: what happened?

Husband: My intestines...*shivers*...they really came out...*moans*

Wife(forcing back a giggle): Stay calm. I'll call for an ambulance.

Husband: No need.

Wife(puzzled): Why?

Husband grins smugly.

"With the help of some lubricants, I managed to stuff them back in!"

Teehee. EMMAUS.

A Song Parody!

2009-07-18T22:12:00.004+08:00

as jason has guai-laned me im gna do it back to him. as im a terribly nice person i will not be posting any unglam pics of him looking into space or flirting with k*******. or d******. or a***. jason my camera is everywhere. =)

so i shall dedicate a SONG as im a musical person. =) evil smile.

think of jason singing the song below..

Original - No Boundaries - KRIS ALLEN VERSION DAMMIT =)
Edited - No Boundaries - JASON

Ohh
Seconds hours so many days
I know what i want but how long can i wait
Every moment lasts forever
Whenever i ask you out
I know my chances are already gone
I started believing that you were the one
And you gave me one good reason
To love and never walk away
So here i am still holding on

With every step i find another woman
Every girl its easier to believe
Ill make it through the clothes
Rip off what is left
To get to that ONE THING (salivates)
Just when i think that i am getting no where
Just when i almost gave up all my dreams
I take you by the %*&#@#$ and show you that you can
There are no boundaries
There are no boundaries

I fought to the limit and you lie on the ground
No doubt today is as good as will get
You know where the futures headed
When ive got you on the ground
Teacher tell me must use condom
I know it is safe, i never knew why
But now i know why
So here i am still holding on

With every step i find another woman
Every girl its easier to believe
Ill make it through the clothes
Rip off what is left
To get to that ONE THING (salivates)
Just when i think that i am getting no where
Just when i almost gave up all my dreams
I take you by the %*&#@#$ and show you that you can
There are no boundaries
There are no boundaries

I can go higher
I can go deeper
There are no boundaries
Above and beneath me
Stomp every flower cause theres no one there to hear you scream

With every step i find another woman
Every girl its easier to believe
Ill make it through the clothes
Rip off what is left
To get to that ONE THING (salivates)
Just when i think that i am getting no where
Just when i almost gave up all my dreams
I take you by the %*&#@#$ and show you that you can
There are no boundaries
There are no boundaries

think sick my readers. thats what jason is. sicko post my picture on the web. some paedophile. idiot. nevermind NOW UR GONNA PAY. =)

yours GL-LY cause u GL-ED me first, JESSE!

Lie Detector Robot… Part II

2009-07-16T13:53:00.001+08:00

lets continue on emmaus's story there...

if you havent read the first part i suggest you do so first.

the wife, impressed by the lie detector robot's powers, decided to try it out for herself. after cornering her husband in her room, she started a conversation with her husband.

WIFE: do you love me?

HUSBAND: yes.

*slap*

WIFE: DO YOU LOVE ME!?

HUSBAND: no...

WIFE: do you keep any mistresses?

HUSBAND: no.

*slap*

WIFE: DO YOU KEEP ANY MISTRESSES?

HUSBAND: ok, just one..

*slap*

WIFE: ...

HUSBAND: ok three thousand.

WIFE: how the hell do you keep so many?

HUSBAND: i dont know.

WIFE: you unfaithful bastard.

HUSBAND: what about you? do you keep any other lover?

WIFE: of course not.

*slap*

HUSBAND: ...

just then, the son walks in.

SON: mom, dad, i want to tell you both that i love you.

*slap*

WIFE and HUSBAND: ... how long have you been listening outside?

SON: i just walked in.

*slap*

WIFE and HUSBAND: goddammit..

therefore, we should never rely too much on robots. or we may get more then we bargained for.

yours GL-LY, JESSE.

Lie Detector Robot

2009-07-15T22:25:00.002+08:00

Once a man bought a lie detector robot, which slaps liars.

He decided to test it out. On his son.

FATHER: where have you been today?

SON: Supplementary lesson.

*slap*

FATHER: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

SON: At my friend's house

FATHER: What did you do there?

SON: Project work.

*slap*

FATHER: WHAT DID YOU DO THERE?

SON: watch movie...play computer...

***

later during dinner...

FATHER says to WIFE: Wow! this lie detector robot works really well!

FATHER: When I was young there was no need for such things. Cos I never lied

*slap*

WIFE: HAHAHA! Like father like son!

*slap!*

Teehee. EMMAUS.

A Tribute To Dwayne

2009-07-15T22:23:00.001+08:00

It was just another normal day at school for Dwayne. Tests, getting scolded for not doing homework, tests, getting scolded again, more tests... etc. How much could he take? He was just a normal 14 year old boy with the same problems any other schoolchild would have.

Ok, maybe not so normal. Well, the secret was that Dwayne was in LOVE! Recently, he had met this beautiful girl whose name was __________. Ever since then, Dwayne had no heart to neither do his homework nor study for tests, which explained his drastically falling grades. However, in his mind, he couldn’t care less. He only wanted to be with __________ for the rest of his life.

“Hey Dwayne! Wanna watch a movie with me and Charles on Saturday? Its gonna be DRAGONBALL! How cool is that!” Caleb, who was like Dwayne’s BESTBEST friend, asked him. Dwayne wanted to open his mouth to answer immediately, but something stopped him. After thinking with his mouth opening and closing like a spoilt machine, he finally realized what the problem was. He had actually asked __________ out for a date on that day!

“Erm, no, can’t. Family matters.” Dwayne muttered. He then turned away the concerned questions directed towards him by Caleb. Feeling disappointed, Caleb walked away, leaving Dwayne in his own world. But Dwayne couldn’t care less that he had disappointed Caleb. All he could do was to think and hope that Saturday would come quickly.

Finally, the big day came. Dwayne put on his best clothes and spent at least an hour in front of the mirror making sure that his hair was in tip-top condition. At last feeling confident of himself, Dwayne stepped out of the door. Just then, the neighbor’s dog, which apparently did not like Dwayne’s new perfume, started barking at him. After throwing 43 sticks at the dog, the last which hit its nose, the dog finally stopped barking and slunk away with its tail between its legs.

On the way to Tampines Mall, Dwayne kept singing ‘Who Let The Dogs Out’ to himself, as he was not sure. After realizing that it was his neighbor who actually let the dog out, he realized that he had overshot Tampines Mall by 14 bus stops. Inwardly cursing himself for his stupidity, he got on a taxi and finally reached his destination.

__________ was waiting for him, tapping her foot impatiently. But when she saw how Dwayne had rushed there, her heart melted into a puddle. After cleaning the puddle up, they had to make the important decision on where to spend their first date together.

As Dwayne was inexperienced in such matters, he suggested that they go watch a movie. To his surprise, __________ agreed without much thought. Upon reaching the cinema, they realized that almost all the tickets for the movies were sold out. Just when they were about to give up and find an alternative, they realized that there were only TWO more tickets for DRAGONBALL.

Using his 3 days of kungfu knowledge, Dwayne did a quadru-backflip towards the counter. Landing nimbly on his butt, Dwayne politely requested with vulgarities that he get the last two tickets for DRAGONBALL. The surprised counter-girl had no choice but to accede to his request for fear of being killed by Dwayne and his butter knife which he had someone managed to brandish while flipping through the air.

__________ was superbly impressed by his Kung Fu Panda antics. “Wow”, she gushed. “That was much better than anything Jack Black could ever do!” Dwayne’s face turned red with embarrassment. They then made their way into the theater and settled down for the movie.

Just as the movie was starting, Dwayne felt someone poke him in the stomach from behind. Turning around, he saw the grinning face of Caleb bearing down on him.

“Wow look FAMILY MATTERS! HEY EVERYONE COME AND LOOK IT’S DWAYNE AND HIS FAMILY!” Caleb practically shouted to his friends. The commotion that occurred next could have rivaled the one which happened when Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong announced that he was going for a swim in the Singapore River.

__________ was nearly in tears. “Dwayne! You only brought me here so that all your friends could see me with you! You.. you.. PUMPKIN!” With that, she stormed out of the cinema, with Dwayne attempting to chase after her. However, he failed in his bid as Caleb kept blocking him with taunts of “HA HA PUMPKIN! DWAYNEKIN!” and all the other things that he could think up of.

It was Dwayne’s turn to be in tears. He felt like HE was the one who was being used. However, he had lied to his friends, and now he had lost __________ for life. There was nothing left in the world for him to live for.

Back in his own mind, Dwayne realized that there was a puddle of tears on the floor. Taking up a mop, he mopped the floor for two hours until he realized that he was mopping the wrong area of the floor. Cursing himself for his own stupidity, he picked up his razor blade and stared at it, wondering if he should just drive it into himself. Don’t do stupid things Dwayne... __________ might still love you.

right im terribly sorry i cant think of a better ending. so.. TOO BAD! haaa
yours GL-LY, JESSE.

Hit Counter

2009-07-10T22:22:00.003+08:00

Hey guys as you can see, our hit counter hasn't even reached the 500 mark yet and its so so so so very tragically tragic. So. Here's a simple activity for all of you to try out.

Step 1: Visit our blog
Step 2: Click on the "refresh" button on your browser around 20 times
Step 3: Remind yourself that you are not wasting your time as this IS for a good cause

optional: get yourself an autoclicker and set it to 1000 clicks per second, then proceed to step 2.

YOU HAVE MY GRATITUDE
Yours GL-LY. Emmaus.

A Day In School... In The Year 2050

2009-07-10T22:15:00.004+08:00

ever wondered what the future would be like? with robots and kids losing their flowers at increasingly earlier ages.. a day in the life of future|emmaus described here now.

it is future|emmaus's first day at sec school. events are as follows..

0600
future|emmaus hears his mom calling him up to go to school. he tells her to shut up, but all he hears is his mom's voice droning on and on for him to get up. 'damn, not the ANNOYER again. i got to fix that stupid machine before it drives me nuts,' he thinks. well, no choice. future|emmaus gets out of bed, bathes with his AUTOSPRINKLER and eats with his IFEEDU breakfast maker.

0700
future|emmaus reaches school for the first time. just as he wonders how to get in the school, the gates open wide with a resounding clank. 'welcome to futuroanglicanohighoschoolo. we hope you enjoy your stay here. not.' a bored voice sounds from nowhere. future|emmaus thinks nothing of it. he's seen enough of this nonsense at home anyway.

0800
future|emmaus steps into his class for the first time. the teacher walks in next and orders everyone to say a few things about themselves as an introduction. it is future|emmaus's turn now. he stands up, take a deep breath, and says 'hey my name is future|emmaus. im 13 years old, and im still a virgin..'... 'BOO! USELESS! NOOB! IDIOT! SECURITY GUARD!' his friends-to-be scream at him. future|emmaus sits down, baffled. however, he soon forgets it by amusing himself with the AMUSER.

1100
it is finally recess. future|emmaus goes to buy some food from the food-making counter. just as he thinks about noodles, a bowl of noodles appear in front of him. he eats it happily and thinks nothing about it. suddenly, he realises that 3 dollars has disappeared miraculously from his pocket. 'damn the PAYUPPER. it really gets on your nerves,' future|emmaus thinks.

1300
the bell rings. future|emmaus rushes out of school only to be met by a pretty girl by the name of *dont tell you*. future|emmaus is enraptured by the sight and asks to be her friend. she agrees and future|emmaus thinks that his day is perfect and that nothing could ruin it. just then, the voice of the ANNOYER rings in his head. 'come home now for lunch of ill make sure your toilet dont flush properly!' he hears his mom says. ah well. what to do? hes just a young and innocent boy. future|emmaus can barely wait till tomorrow.

=) and parents thought our world was screwed. haix.

YOURS GL-LY, PRESENT|JESSE!

Happy Birthday

2009-07-06T21:12:00.002+08:00

today is the 6th of july. i bet u all dno wad day it is cos ur too stupid. therefore i shall tell u wad day it is.

happy birthday emouse. it seems just a few days ago in which the mountain in labor gave birth to you. that event, needless to say, was a terrible calamity as without you the world would be much more peaceful as the glkias would never have come about. therefore it is all your fault. heehee.

i hope youre getting angry at me because that is exactly what this post is meant to do. guai-lan you until you du-lan and make you think im xia-lan. see without my hokkien education you would be desperately checking the tamil dictionary to find out what im actually saying. stupid noob. ha ha ha happy 16th birthday old mouse. u gave the mountain such trouble i think its high time you said sorry. or else the mountain in labor will come after you and kick you with its mountain kick.

ok (not-so) serious.

happy birthday emmaus, my friend, brother, fellow glkia, fellow tenor sl, and lots of other things i cant even mention because everyone read alr will start wondering how im even friends with you. heeee. thanks for the past 4 years i've known you, although its brought me countless demerit points carrying out your brainless schemes, but its ok, its worth it. heres wishing you all the best with a cake made entirely out of your favorite mouse-friendly cheese, happy 16th birthday!

yours err, not-so-guai-lan-ly-cos-its-your-birthday, JESSE.

Security Guards......... Give You Hell

2009-06-29T20:45:00.010+08:00

Okay. I'll get straight to the point. There was this bigshot security guard at MJC- he let us in once, but when we tried to go in again (for a quite-reasonable-and-quite-valid-reason-which-is-retrieving-a-bottle-left-in-the-toilet-by-peixuan), spying us in the distance, he reared up, puffed out his chest, and gave a breathtaking, awesome spech, which consisted of:

blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah....move!move!move!move!move!move!move!move!move!
move!move!move!move!move!move!move!move!move!move!move!move!move!move!move!move!
move!move!move!move!move!move!move!move!move!move!move!move!move!
move!move!move!move!move!move!move!move!move!move!
MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!
MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!
MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!
MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!MOVE!

and...MOVE! GET OUT! MOVE FASTER!

so. we moved. screw him anyway. i mean, who dares to mess around a security guard who works near the cerebral palsey centre ---------- wait. for all you know, he might even be a retarded escapee....... pity the mj kids.

so anyway there was this other guard at our own very beloved drboon dominated school which is ahs. so there was also this extremely handsome and talented young (monkey) by the name of terence who decided to play his inuyasha song at our concourse piano for the 5743985743895347862439785th time. getting really sick of it already.

anyway emmaus decided to try out his bodybuilding skills and gave a shove that sent him crashing to the floor with the chair making this helluva noise. so everyone shrug it off until this extremely cool guy in our all-so-familiar security guard uniform came over and shouted at us for 'making a lot of noise' and 'spoiling the piano'. wad a genius.

and then his next words were so stunning and amazing to me that i almost died hearing them.

'OI CANNOT PLAY DONT PLAY LAH! DONT SPOIL THE PIANO!'

well if you know us.. anyway. lets give you a piece of our mind..

^%$#$%%&$%&^%#%^@**%#$%@^#$!@$^#&%^$%*^^%$^&$#%@!#@$^%#&^%$%^&%$*%^#$^@#%@^$#$&%$&^%*&$&^#$@#!%#$%%^&##$^@%$*^$%&#^%*#%&^%@#%!$@$%^&*^%$#@%^&%&%#%#@#$!#%#&%$*^&%^$#$%@#!@@^^%$&%^*^%*^#$^@#@#%@#$@!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dont you just love these guys.

YOURS GL-LY, EMMAUS and JESSE.

Further Guai-Lan-Ing

2009-06-27T22:15:00.003+08:00

in choir we learnt a song.
it goes smth like this..

the mountain in labor - bob chilcott

(big chim sounding piano chords that qianyu always play wrong)

(piano part in tribute to the late michael jackson)

a mountain was once greatly agitated
loud groans and noises were heard

(change to lin jun jie style music)

and crowds of people came
and crowds of people came
from all parts to see what was the matter (back to michael jackson music)
the matter!

while they assembled
while they assembled
in anxious expectation of some terrible calamity

(act cute music which qianyu always rushes)

out came E-MOUSE! (guess who. lol)

(back to michael jackson music)

HA HA HA HA HA HA hope my xia-lan style of guai-lan-ing you has made you extremely du-lan.

YOURS MEGA-SUPER-MORE-DEN-YOU-CAN-IMAGINE GUAI-LAN-LY, JESSE.
and emmaus.

btw jesse im so gna kick you on monday.

My Thoughts On The Previous Post

2009-06-27T19:27:00.003+08:00

..........................GUAI-LAN....................................

YOURS
NOT-SO-GUAI-LAN-LY
EMMAUS
THE GUY WHO IS FEELING REALLY DULAN AND IS GOING TO XIA LAN SOMEBODY SOON.

Education On Hokkien

2009-06-26T22:19:00.009+08:00

today's lesson is very interesting as it is not a normal lesson. it is on hokkien. more specifically, three hokkien words that seem to be misused again and again by wannabe gangsters, ppl who think they're cool, and everyday ppl just like me and you.

guai-lan, xia-lan and du-lan.

sounds familiar? hardly a day goes past without hearing these words. haaaaa.

meanings

du-lan: frustrated
xia-lan: to guai-lan in a qian-bianner method
guai-lan: wad the glkias do everyday

therefore as with every language skillset we have to make sentences with the following words. we shall try. in fact we shall go one better and make a short story.

today i was going to school and feeling extremely du-lan because i had not finished any homework. also, i had to see my extremely guai-lan teacher. just then, i realised that my shirt was too tight and it was making me uncomfortable. just as i was getting accustomed to it, a boy named emmaus walked up to me and xia-laned me because my shirt was too tight. 'ha ha stupid noob!' and he ran away before i could do anything.

lets try again

'ur just a stupid retard! cant u see that 3+3=7!?' my teacher guai-laned me. i was bursting with anger, but i managed to control it. just then, my friend farted loudly. before anyone could react, he said, 'IT WAS EMMAUS!' and pointed at me in a xia-lan fashion. i was feeling so du-lan that i reached over and pulled his ears until they were as long as a meter ruler. which is a meter long.

go and have fun making use of these words! urs GUAI-LAN-LY, JESSE.

Song Parody

2009-06-22T21:07:00.003+08:00

Original - Love Story - Taylor Swift
Edited - Stop Stalking Me

We were both young when I ignored you
I close my eyes and remember you
Just standing there, with your spotty face and greasy hair.
I saw the sights, spent some time with my friends and
Didnt notice you were following me
Until one day, when you called my name.

Well you were Romeo, you hit me with a pebble
So my daddy said "Stay away from Juliet"
And I was crying on the staircase cause you broke my nose.

And I said,
Romeo stop stalking me, just leave me alone.
I've called the police, I would suggest that you run.
You're just a toe rag, look, I'm a Princess.
Try all you want but I'll never say yes.

So you sneak into my garden, I see you.
You kept quiet but I already knew
That you were mad, you had your hands down your pants.

So I called my dad and he came out with his machete
and he said "Stay away from Juliet"
Cause you were nothing to me, so he shot you in the toe.

And I said,
Romeo stop stalking me, just leave me alone.
I've called the police, I would suggest that you run.
You're just a toe rag, look, I'm a Princess.
Try all you want but I'll never say yes.

I got tired of waiting,
wondering which corner you'd be coming around.
I called for a restraining
order so you couldnt even be in my town.

And I said,
Romeo piss off, yes I know that youre alone.
I've been waiting for the big court case to come,
don't know what's in your head, I don't know what you think.
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said
Marry me Juliet, I know I dont have a home
But I love you and that's all I really know.
We'll run from the law, no time to pick out a dress.
So I'll stop stalking if you just say yes.
Oh oh, oh ohhhh.

I turned and called the police, and i ignored you.

JESSE =)

I'm NOT Procrastinating!

2009-06-21T21:01:00.004+08:00

Procrastination - one of the greatest sins that men commit everyday of their lives. Before I go into a detailed explanation of how and why procrastination can affect one's life and so on and so forth... I will have to explain what procrastination is.

To start things off, procrastination is a habit which..............ahh nvm. Later.

Emmaus.

Random Quotes

2009-06-20T21:39:00.003+08:00

"FOR RENT: CONDOM... ONLY US$650."
- Ad in Jakarta Post, should have read Condo

"We are unable to announce the weather. We depend on weather reports from the airport, which is closed, due to weather. Whether we will be able to give you a weather report tomorrow will depend on the weather."
- Arab News report

"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again."
- Barbara Boxer, Senator

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
- Bill Peterson, football coach

"Cod are not very good swimmers so they are easily overtaken by trawlers and nets."
- British government report on why cod fish are disappearing from the North Sea.

"Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
- Budapest Zoo sign

"Better make it six, I can't eat eight."
- Dan Osinski, Baseball pitcher, when a waitress asked if he wanted his pizza cut into six or eight slices

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

"It isn't pollution that is hurting the environment, it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

"There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people"
- David Coleman, Sportscaster

"We are trying to change the 1974 Constitution, whenever that was passed."
- Donald Kennard, Louisiana state representative

"I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost."
- Frank Bruno, Boxer

"It is white."
- George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in East London

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
- George Gobel

"FIRST, CARRY TO FIRE."
- Instructions on a fire extinguisher

"I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding."
- Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons

"I have a God-given talent. I got it from my dad."
- Julian Wakefield, Missouri basketball player

"Whenever I watch TV and I see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I would love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
- Mariah Carey, Pop Singer

"If people get a kick out of running down pedestrians, you have to let them do it."
- Paul Jacobs, marketing director for a video game company

"Solutions are not the answer."
- Richard Nixon, former U.S. President

"Permitted vehicles not allowed."
- Road sign on US 27

"SAFETY FIRST: Please put on your seat belt - prepare for accident."
- Sign on backseat of Taxi

"This Is The Gate Of Heaven, Enter Ye All By This Door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance.)
- Sign on church door

"That's inches away from being millimetre perfect."
- Ted Lowe

"We didn't lose, we weren't beaten, we just came in second."
- U.S. commentators, after Canadian Donavon Bailey won the 100 metre gold medal at the 1996 Olympics

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Predictions are difficult, especially about the future."
- Yogi Berra, Baseball player

hope you had fun reading. lol.

JESSE.

Find The Hidden Message

2009-06-17T22:10:00.003+08:00

akwehfgdskzjfgpawefiohxzvcuilgwkeanbfkaewjfYOUaeweawfiohsdkjzlfhlkjahaleuwhflaweuhfaelnveawrkuhlzk
djlsakhfveluihfaaulefhaewjfhkalwjefhljwkaefhjwlakehfHAVEfawekljfhawejklhfaguqweuryhzzaekljfhqwperadsfi
xcvkjWASTEDxclyviiufopeawpiofuaweofadjkfhkjlxzhdfoladifsadfkjlcxhfqweposergaewfawefvbnrsey
riuPRECIOUSaelfretgsergaesrgaewfsdhkjdhfzeaaewkjrgzfgioyerqouryszdopifuzlxkjhgodfadsfzasdfzxc
iaeljkfhwarafopdsfdgsdfkjhTIMEahksdfghjdzsfzudifyeiouadsfxjxkcvjklzxcvhaewraewgfdzgzxcg
ryeaopwifydslkjfhkjlfhadlskfhxklhzlxjkchqwerlHAHAhksrezcxvjieahjekwaaewfzdfgzfxgzdsvcxberqwer

teehee. JESSE.

Decode - srUcnbmlea hTe teLetsr

2009-06-17T12:55:00.002+08:00

katnh oyu rfo staiwgn oyru mite

heehee. EMMAUS

Guessing Game!

2009-06-16T22:57:00.004+08:00

JESSE says:
jason just admitted some interesting stuff
EMMAUS says:
really?
EMMAUS says:
that?
JESSE says:
he
JESSE says:
likes
EMMAUS says:
to lynn?
JESSE says:
no
JESSE says:
no
JESSE says:
ud be freaking shocked
EMMAUS says:
denise
EMMAUS says:
boo
JESSE says:
no
JESSE says:
more
JESSE says:
shocking
EMMAUS says:
belinda
EMMAUS says:
tianjiao
EMMAUS says:
himself
EMMAUS says:
me
EMMAUS says:
you
JESSE says:
no
JESSE says:
all
JESSE says:
wrong
JESSE says:
guess further
EMMAUS says:
okay
EMMAUS says:
hilary
JESSE says:
no
EMMAUS says:
manjing
JESSE says:
no
JESSE says:
NOT JUNIOR
EMMAUS says:
fedora
EMMAUS says:
okay
EMMAUS says:
give hint
JESSE says:
that was a hint
JESSE says:
u guessed all juniors.
EMMAUS says:
senior?
EMMAUS says:
or same lvl
JESSE says:
erm.
JESSE says:
use brain
EMMAUS says:
okayy
EMMAUS says:
cherlene
JESSE says:
no
JESSE says:
-.-
EMMAUS says:
hmm
EMMAUS says:
yingjun
JESSE says:
closer
JESSE says:
no
EMMAUS says:
*censored*
EMMAUS says:
*dont tell you*
JESSE says:
well done
EMMAUS says:
*guess yourself*
EMMAUS says:
*unknown*
EMMAUS says:
knew it
EMMAUS says:
ahha
JESSE says:
saving convo
EMMAUS says:
k

OK GO PLAY.

JESSE and EMMAUS. duh

Choir Rules

2009-06-12T22:21:00.003+08:00

here are some rules for the choir set by christopher.

this post was actually posted 3 weeks ago but now i transfer it here. for the benefit of my readers.. *puts on the christopher face and voice* (but not his size. teehee)

rule no 1 - latecoming is STRICTLY CANNOTCANNOT NO GOOD. those found latecoming will have a choice of either running around the parade square for 20 rounds or singing the la la la la part of miao jia right outside the general office loudly.

rule no 2 - no handphone games allowed. those caught playing handphone games during combined will be punished by giving terence your phone for one hour. if terence is found playing games, his phone will be given to the toilet bowl for one hour.

rule no 3 - no talking during combines. those found talking will be fined x dollars, where x equals the number of letters spoken. e.g. someone found saying 'i think this is boring' will be fined 18 dollars. vulgarities follow the same rule, just that the fine will be squared.

rule no 4 - no doing of homework during combines. those caught doing their homework during such moments will be punished by having to do a 1500 word essay on why one should not do homework during combines, followed by having to spell the word 'sorry' with his butt in front of the whole choir. brings a whole new meaning to 'sorry seems to be the hardest word'.

rule no 5 - everyone is to have their scores AT ALL TIMES. even when going to the toilet or canteen. those found without their scores will be punished by having to copy their scores 3 times on pieces of blank a4 paper provided by themselves. if christopher is displeased with the ledger lines drawn he will fine you an amount he deems reasonable, which comes to around 20 dollars.

rule no 6 - there is to be strictly NO LAUGHTER. people caught laughing will have to laugh in front of an empty toilet cubicle for 15 minutes while being filmed by a camera. the resulting video will be posted on youtube.

wahahahaha. chris evil laughter.

good luck in choir from now on!

JESSE.

EDIT: SUSPECTING VICTIM

2009-06-11T19:28:00.009+08:00

ok due to some er. problems i have decided to take the post Unsuspecting Victim off my blog due to some fears of jason ramboing me after he reads it. therefore i have picked on a suspecting victim. one of the ways to win an argument is persuasion. therefore a suspecting victim -

JESSE says:
noob.
ANQI says:
u are tryin to make me break my vow
ANQI says:
and u succeeded
ANQI says:
-.-
JESSE says:
of course
JESSE says:
ur too noob.
ANQI says:
IRRITATING
JESSE says:
ya too noob.
ANQI says:
edv
ANQI says:
wdv*
JESSE says:
yah noob.
ANQI says:
-.-
JESSE says:
just too noob.
JESSE says:
see nth to say noob.
ANQI says:
why no lynn to kajiao now come kajiao me ar
JESSE says:
no.
JESSE says:
i just found u to be too noob
JESSE says:
hah cant even write msg properly noob
JESSE says:
take so long to type a message
JESSE says:
just a noob
ANQI says:
reaction a) scream my ass off at you
reaction b) pretend to be zen
reaction c) ignore
reaction d) agree to everything you say
reaction e) typing this reactions
ANQI says:
choose
ANQI says:
which one make u happy then can leave me alone
JESSE says:
reaction d lah noob.
JESSE says:
say ur a noob
JESSE says:
just a noob.
ANQI says:
UR A NOOB
ANQI says:
JUST A NOOB
JESSE says:
anqi is a noob.
ANQI says:
YAY JESSE IS A NOOB
JESSE says:
u didnt put fullstop
JESSE says:
stupid noob.
ANQI says:
ok now quit bothering me
ANQI says:
SO WHAT NOOB
JESSE says:
not good lah noob
JESSE says:
den wad
JESSE says:
still ask stupid questions
JESSE says:
just a noob
ANQI says:
wad not good
ANQI says:
who are u to define wads good and not good
JESSE says:
is just not good
ANQI says:
U KNOW WAD
JESSE says:
ur a noob?
ANQI says:
LETS TRASH IT OUT IN A GAME OF UNO
ANQI says:
muahaha
ANQI says:
-.-
JESSE says:
thats for noobs
ANQI says:
for u lor
JESSE says:
ok lah dont argue le lah noob
JESSE says:
give you chace
JESSE says:
chance
JESSE says:
scared you cry noob
JESSE says:
bb noob.

noob power ftw!

note: if you really want to read the post Unsuspecting Victim please contact me on hp or email. ty!

If You Ever Consider Asking Us About Homework...............

2009-06-08T21:23:00.002+08:00

FISHY! HIHIHIHIHIHIHI (: ADAM LAMBERT<3>
eh pig
FISHY! HIHIHIHIHIHIHI (: ADAM LAMBERT<3>
u update le ma?
EMMAUS says:
yes pig?
EMMAUS says:
nah
EMMAUS says:
not yet
EMMAUS says:
just now do heymath
FISHY! HIHIHIHIHIHIHI (: ADAM LAMBERT<3>
rawr
FISHY! HIHIHIHIHIHIHI (: ADAM LAMBERT<3>
tsk
FISHY! HIHIHIHIHIHIHI (: ADAM LAMBERT<3>
fake yong gong
FISHY! HIHIHIHIHIHIHI (: ADAM LAMBERT<3>
u got rmb de question and de ans?
EMMAUS says:
i did
EMMAUS says:
just that
FISHY! HIHIHIHIHIHIHI (: ADAM LAMBERT<3>
TELL ME!!!
FISHY! HIHIHIHIHIHIHI (: ADAM LAMBERT<3>
pwweeeeaaaassse
EMMAUS says:
havent finish my sentence yet
EMMAUS says:
just that i forgot it the moment you asked=)
FISHY! HIHIHIHIHIHIHI (: ADAM LAMBERT<3>
idiot
EMMAUS says:
too bad
EMMAUS says:
i accidently forgot on purpose the moment you asked
EMMAUS says:
so
EMMAUS says:
go do it yourself
EMMAUS says:
=)

think again.

DONT READ THIS!

2009-06-02T22:13:00.003+08:00

ok as you can see from the post title you ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO READ THIS. therefore if youre reading this you are incapable of following instructions, and should just go and die. if you really go and kill yourself its your own fault for reading this since i told you not to read it. therefore first lesson today is to follow instructions.

as you have decided to read this, you shall have to put up with some random stuff. as our blog is called random stuff, it is only natural that there is only random stuff on this blog. therefore we shall post some random stuff as it is definitely random stuff. random stuff is defined as stuff which is random. therefore you are now reading authentic random stuff. which is totally random stuff. im proud to announce that you have gone through one para of random stuff.

but there is 2 more to come. first one.

random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff random stuff.

second one.

more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff and more random stuff.

ok as im feeling generous today ill give you one more paragraph.

even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff and even more random stuff.

after reading all that random stuff, do you regret coming to our blog now? thats for not listening to instructions. did you know that you could have just scrolled down to the end of the post? but you didnt. its ok. as usual at the end of each lecture i have two points to get across to you.

1. EVERYONE WHO HAS GOT HERE IS A STUPID RETARD.

2. DONT WORRY, YOURE NOT THE ONLY ONE =)

JESSE.

A Big Thank-You!

2009-05-31T22:28:00.010+08:00

ahha. as today we cannot think of any new topic to gl about, we shall gl about some of the tags that we have been receiving!

HAHA: the pon 3 prac, go 1 prac so called sc
failblog: you can be another failblog! just that you FAIL.

ok firstly we would like to thank all of you for coming to this little failblog of ours. we understand it takes a lot of effort to bring yourself to click on that simple link or type in the extremely long url to come here to waste your time reading some stupid post that you dont like! therefore we would like to give you our heartfelt appreciation.

from JESSE

to HAHA, i appreciate your er. praise for me but theres nothing you can do about it. im gna be ahs choir's EX SC even if i pon 3000 practices and come for 1. what are you going to do? bitch about it? i know that bitching can be really fun sometimes but dont do it here. wrong place. this is a happy place:) anti-bitch.

i understand you feel the need to annoy somebody and make him feel bad. again its ok but also again its the wrong place to bitch. if you want to do that i suggest you play maple (download it from www.maplesea.com or ask james) and bitch about how people ignore you and how you have no friends. you have a higher chance of getting a listening ear there than here. here is a place where ppl come to view failblog posts and have a good laugh about it and not to listen to people like you bitch and then realise that you do not even have the balls to put your real name. HAHA. so funny.

to failblog, i would also like to thank you for giving a new name to our blog. sometimes 'random stuffs' can get a bit boring to look at. we will definitely consider your suggestion and may change the blog name in the near future. if we ever use the name 'failblog', please come back to visit and we will give you the accolades you so desperately seek.

from EMMAUS

hi. jesse said almost all i wanted to say. rmb this is a HAPPY GL place. if you are happy with what you wrote on our tagboard, we are definitely happy about what we wrote, and will write in future. rmb, gl-ers get gl-ed. thats out motto =) so. dont come back if you dont like our blog. ever. again. unless you dont mind another post like this. yup. so there.

edit: probably hes so thick skinned he dont mind another post like this. arguing with kids gets oh-so-boring sometimes. well suit yourself! to all our other visitors, thank you for coming to tag and visit regularly. we appreciate your support, and dont stop coming. thank you!

JESSE and EMMAUS.

Random Post

2009-05-30T22:50:00.001+08:00

Swiss Army Knife.

CONGRATS.. not. :)

2009-05-30T22:11:00.000+08:00

words of gl from me and emmaus to choircomm 09-10!

congrats to our new comm, esp our new tenor sl max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max and max. And Ashley.

now that we are your alumni, you cant order us around. how sad.

dont emo nxt year.

this has been our biggest election so far. REALLY. why? chris.. jolin.. shijia.. you get the general idea.

eat watermelons. sorry ar inside joke.

have fun.

this list will constantly be updated as we get together to GL more often. till then, er. congrats!

from your EX-PIANIST-CUM-TENOR-SL-CUM-STUDENT-CONDUCTOR, JESSE. and your ex-sl (only), Emmaus.

Your Name Is A Virtue

2009-05-29T21:14:00.001+08:00

a few names a parent should NEVER EVER name their kids.

Choo Ing Gum
Iit Mai Sheet
Ai Emm Dum
Stew Peed Nub
No Nar Ting
Blar Dee Hail
Rii Tarh Derd
Tee Jers Sark
Pee Karh Chew
Kok Sah Kerh
Hoo Arh Eu
Aii Noh Nayme
Hee Kaan Sing
Goh Enn Dai
Stoo Pid Foo
Euu Arh Fet
Poh Kee Morn
Dun Tail You
Gwai Larn Kia
Noh Bray Ner

and...

Da Ni Ca Cheng

a mixture of languages, and im interested to know who can decipher all of that. take your time, im wasting it anyway, and HAVE FUN! cya around.

oh and btw,
PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON PSK BOON.

aint that much better!

JESSE. EMMAUS

Before School Closes...

2009-05-28T22:49:00.000+08:00

Okay. This post is dedicated to my wonderful emath teacher. here goes:
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Yeah. thanks Mr Poh for all you done for us so far=)

Emmaus :(

Brick Walls

2009-05-28T22:16:00.000+08:00

er one more thing you shud know about this blog is that we try to update on a regular basis. to us regular means anything from twice everyday to once every year. therefore today my GL LECTURE is on parents today.

today my lecture is SPECIALLY designed to waste your time. dont you feel good i actually waste MY OWN time to waste YOUR TIME? anyway, i have but two points. just two points to get across to you people. IF YOU'RE CLEVER, YOU'LL SCROLL DOWN TO THE END OF THIS POST. IF YOU'RE NOT, YOU'LL READ. therefore, here goes.

parents are the BANE of children's life. no matter what a child does it only seems a matter of time before the parents find out and whip out the whip and whip them. whips were designed to be used on beasts of burden such as horses and therefore parents, dont use the whip. it may make your child feel like a horse. so much for self esteem.

parents in my opinion are just like brick walls with feelings. on our own, we can never hope to beat down the brick wall. we have to use outside help such as 200 other people to come and talk to it before it finally gives way. not a very feasible and time-consuming option we have there. brick walls are also hard and durable and they are always around you 360 degrees plus sine BOON cosine BOON tangent BOON cosecant BOON hypotenuse BOON angle BOON (sorry about the BOONS i got bored). no matter what you do you cannot run from it because its all around you. boring same old design, never changes.

why then do i say that they have feelings? because when you piss the brick wall off, this one THROWS BRICKS BACK AT YOU. ever felt down and out whenever your father or your mother scold you and hit you with the whip (making you feel like a horse)? now you know how it feels. one can never beat the brick wall. therefore you should never TRY to beat your parents. one day, gravity will win, and you'll be free. just WAIT.

non-believers of my post will argue that without parents one would never have existed. I BEG TO DIFFER. now that we are living in such an advanced world where technology has improved to such a point where i can scold a f word over the phone and my friend on the other side of the world can hear it instantly, nothing is impossible. with new and improved methods of conceiving such as in-vitro fertilization, and GOD KNOWS WHAT COS I HAVENT BEEN LISTENING TO BIO DAMMIT, we have now many ways of getting babies.

also now, there has been a huge increase in the amount of babies being born to the world. due to increasingly less responsible fathers below the age of 16, we have many teenage pregnancies. this is good for the child, because there will not be any brick wall around it. the brick wall will RUN AWAY because IT HUM JI. therefore they are less responsible.

my two points are
1) YOU HAVE WASTED YOUR TIME
2) YOU ARE STUPID.

thank you for your kind attention!

yours GL-LY once again, JESSE.

Dr Boon's Promises

2009-05-27T16:17:00.000+08:00

ok so now theres a tagboard, pls disregard the first post. the part about the tagboard. it was meant to gl.

anyway today there has been the first outbreak of h1n1 in singapore. and schools will begin to close down except our beloved ahs, due to dr boon's neverending quest for excellence.

how could do this to your students, knowing that you are putting them into mortal danger, one no human has encountered before and survived? sending your students out to study in such an outbreak causes world war 2 to pale in comparison to the hideous mind of yours. hitler would be turning in his grave.

how could you forget your oaths when you swore before you became principal of this beleagured school, where you promised to do your best to serve your students? for years now you have been screaming at students for the slightest offences such as coming late for school, 2 seconds after the second bell has rang. or not even bothering to keep your voice down when you caught my friend for not writing the correct answer to the ILOVEDRBOON survey in the hall right in front of all his classmates? imagine the humiliation, the pain that must have gone through his mind at that time. will it even weigh on your conscience that you have scarred a person mentally and emotionally for the rest of his life?

or forgotten what you said to your predecessor as you dragged him out of the forests in the climax of the vietnam war, with bullet holes one could never count riddling his back? could you have forgotten what you said to him as you clung on to him as his life slowly flowed away from his veins? your promises have come to nothing!

or what about the time where you were crying at your predecessor's predecessor, as he lay on the hospital bed just before he flatlined? as you held on to his cold and clammy hand and pleaded with him not to go and just stay awhile more as you needed him to tutor you on the simple question of 2 square equals WHAT?

now that your tenure is coming to your end, you plan to sign off by sending your pupils into unchartered ground, where nobody has ever ventured before? have you ever stopped to consider that there are parents back home anxiously waiting the return of their beloved kids, to scold them about their atrocious results? have you ever thought about the consequences of your actions?

now that the holiday is coming, i beseech you, on behalf of all the other students, not to send us into the battle against the h1n1 virus. firstly, we cannot win as we cannot see it. secondly, you told us to win at all costs. that is totally unreasonable. therefore, my plea to you is not to have any classes during the holidays, as we WILL CATCH H1N1 and it will be YOUR FAULT! DAMMIT!

gl :) by your friendly glkia, JESSE.

153 Things You Really Need To Know About This Blog

2009-05-24T21:28:00.000+08:00

1. this blog is titled "random stuff". really. im serious.
2. the founders of this blog are Jesse and Emmaus.
3. i bet you never heard of them before.
4. according to Microsoft word, "Emmaus" is a typo error.
5. but its not.
6. this blog is uniquely designed to waste as much of your time as possible.
7. so i suggest you stop reading now. before...
8. the sky is blue.
9. 3 cups of coffee were used to make this list.
10. no ink has been, or will be used for this blog.
11. as this is not printed on paper, our blog is environmentally friendly.
12. glkias is a type of pokemon.
13. "glkias" and "pokemon" are typos too.
14. the person standing behind you is an idiot.
15. if there's no one behind you, you're the idiot.
16. ATP stands for adenosine triphosphate.
17. "zzzglzzz" is made up of zzz, gl, and zzz
18. just like how "dogdogdog" is made up of dog, dog and dog.
19. mas selamat is back in custody.
20. you really should stop reading now.
21. because this blog is infested with viruses.
22. just like influenza-A.
23. and bird flu.
24. and SARS
25. and AIDS
26. please do not spam the tagboard. it gets really irritating sometimes.
27. i can't seem to be able to think of anymore to write.
28. lets shorten the list to 100 then.
29. no. make that 50.
30. nah. make that 30. so there.

EDIT: WHO WROTE THIS. CAN SIGN OFF BOH!? hee hee.

HELLO!

2009-05-23T22:48:00.001+08:00

OK NOOBS. welcome to me and emmaus's JOINT BLOG WHERE WE GL YOU. thats right, we're th GLKIAS. as this is the first post i would like to set down some disclaimers..

THIS IS OUR BLOG AND WE WRITE WHAT WE WANT! DONT LIKE IT? SEE THAT BIG RED CROSS UP THERE? JUST A CLICK AWAY.

COMMENTS ARE TO BE POSTED AT THE COMMENTS SECTION AND DO NOT ASK FOR TAGBOARDS BECAUSE i dont know. teehee.

ok now some rules.

NO SPAMMING
NO ASKING TO BE LINKED
NO FLAMING
ANY COMMENTS WE DONT LIKE WILL BE REMOVED and you shall be GLED BY US. ahha.
BE HAPPY AND LAUGH
SPREAD THIS BLOG TO PPL WHO ARE FEELING DEPRESSED.

as for the blog song, there wont be any because ONLY THE TEXT COUNTS. SO HAVE FUN READING IN TIME TO COME!

yours gl-ly, JESSE.